Among the most pressing issues facing America today is our tremendous debt, currently looming around $14 trillion. Another issue? America seems to be quite depressed. A new study, sponsored by the World Health Organization interviewed nearly 90,000 people in 18 countries, and concluded that the US and France are the worlds most depressed nations.
So, we are deep in debt and thoroughly depressed… What can be done to address these issues? I think I may have a solution: Carnival-style urination games, (CSUG’s.) It is a bold and innovative idea, if I may say so myself, and it may be exactly what our nation needs to get back on track.
You know that carnival game you might find at an amusement park, the one where you race horses or cars by shooting water guns at a target? The more precisely you fire, the faster your racer moves…
Or maybe the game where you shoot water at a plastic ball, pushing it upwards, attempting to navigate the ball through some kind of maze? I feel these competitive and entertaining carnival games should be brought to the restroom, (specifically the male restroom. I’m not yet sure how to incorporate women into this revolutionary plan, but I’m working on it.)
I propose that carnival-style urination game stations (CSUGS’s) be established nationwide. Perhaps the federal government would oversee the operation, or perhaps the private sector. Once in a place, a man needing to urinate can simply enter into the nearest CSUGS, where he can pay a small fee to compete in a carnival-style urination game. If he is victorious, he will be awarded a prize!
Now, what will this accomplish? First of all, jobs. Think of all the jobs required to design, manufacture, install, and maintain the CSUG’s. And to clean the stations… oh man to clean the stations…
Surely, there will be tremendous revenue from all the people paying money to test their skill. Undoubtedly, America’s tourism industry will flourish, as people from around the world will want to experience this for themselves. Perhaps even the beverage industry will see some improvement, as people will be eager for another turn, and will want to equip themselves with more formidable water pressure.
Furthermore, these CSUGS’s will boost happiness and moral nationwide. How can America remain among the most depressed nations when we are constantly engaging in such an activity? An activity that promotes friendly competition among one another, and allows us to take a silly break amidst a busy day… who couldn’t help but smile and feel joyous at the proposition of playing games with wee-wee?
The installation of carnival-style urination game stations nationwide, would surely create jobs, produce revenue, and brighten up peoples lives. As of now, I feel with confidence that there is no better way to deal with the issues facing America. Only by reinventing the urination experience, can this great nation reach it’s fullest potential in the realm of prosperity and joy. (Well, at least half its fullest potential. The female version is still under development.)